“The quieter you become, the more you can hear.” — Ram Dass
Have you ever left a conversation and discovered that you or the other person missed important parts of what the other said? When listening, we assume we are both taking in what the other is saying—but often, after the fact, we find we missed something. The primary cause is that the loudest voice in the conversation is the one going on in our own heads.
Especially during times of stress, conflict or competing priorities, our internal chatter shapes our perceptions, preoccupies our thoughts, and sometimes drowns out the deeper meaning behind someone else’s words. This means that in a two-person conversation, given our internal dialogue, it is as if four people are talking at once. To truly engage, we must learn to quiet that voice and shift our focus outward.
The Distraction of the Inner Voice
We are not saying that your inner voice in not important. It helps you to process information, anticipate responses and make sense of the world. Yet without awareness, it can take over and go unchecked. When it does, it can:
- Distract: We might begin our own internal dialogue focused on other meetings, take a “mental trip” to revisit a family situation or anticipate future lunch plans.
- Interrupt: We might start to craft a response or “great comeback” rather than absorbing their words, especially when we disagree with the person or what is being said.
- Judge: We might make arguments and filter content through our own beliefs, biases and assumptions instead of being open to new perspectives.
- Distance: We might focus on ourselves and how we are coming across to make a particular impression; when self-centered we minimize our curiosity and presence.
There are risks to our internal distractions. When we allow our internal voice to take over, we risk only hearing what we expect to hear, not what is actually being communicated. Think about times when you didn’t quiet your inner voice…you might have missed picking up the right meal for dinner, attended a meeting late or neglected to follow-up with a client.
Why Quieting Your Inner Voice Matters
The most effective leaders and communicators understand that listening isn’t about hearing words, it’s about understanding intent, emotion and nuance. While it is almost impossible to quiet the inner voice of others, when another person feels heard and valued, their inner voice is less noisy or active. And when we self-monitor and intentionally quiet our own inner voice, we gain:
- Deeper understanding—We stop rushing to respond and can instead absorb the full meaning of someone’s message.
- Stronger connections— Other people feel valued and heard when we engage without distraction.
- Better decision-making—Listening fully allows us to ask questions, test assumptions, clarify information and act with better data.
How to Silence the Inner Voice & Listen Better
- Be Present: Focus on the value of the other person.
- Practice Mindful Listening: Focus on the words being spoken and the person’s body language, instead of rehearsing what you’ll say next.
- Pause Before Responding: Take a moment to process before jumping into the conversation.
- Reframe Your Thoughts: Shift from “How will I answer?” to “What is this person truly saying?”
- Ask Questions: Rather than making mental assumptions, engage with curiosity and openness.
When we quiet the voice inside, we give others space to express themselves authentically. In business, leadership, and personal relationships, this kind of deep listening fosters trust, strengthens collaboration and fuels meaningful change.
So next time you engage in conversation, challenge yourself—not to hear your own thoughts, but to truly hear someone else’s.
Contact us to schedule a FREE consultation:
https://innolectinc.com/contact-us/
(803) 396-8500